He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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