It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
