Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My balls are so social today.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
