juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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