The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
