It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
