How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize