A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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