He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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