Are we in a gay sports bar?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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