Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
