we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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