The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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