I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
