It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
