wrigley field is MILF paradise
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
