So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
