Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
