I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize