i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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