Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
