I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize