There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
