and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He shit in the fireplace
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
