Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
