four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
