A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
