If i come over, it means nothing
So drunk its hurt
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize