I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
