i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
