My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
