Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize