I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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