Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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