This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
