i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
