I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize