listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
be right there i have to get my cape
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
