hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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