he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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