Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
