so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
