Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
