don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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