During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
