Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
