Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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