i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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