My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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