I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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