you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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