Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
