My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
