help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
