last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
