i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im six kinds of drunk right now
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
