I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
