do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
