Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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