two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize