who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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