im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize