I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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