Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
