buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I believe in your delicious
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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