there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
