Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
