Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
