the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This is my gift to your gina
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
