Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
